So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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