dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wear drunk well.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
