You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You made out with two different species that night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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