we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
