White coat. Heels.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
