I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
