If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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