True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
