is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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