Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
