guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
