There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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