i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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