5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
