I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
