Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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