Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
