Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
