coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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