is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
