I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
