I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
