The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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