you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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