when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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