he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
