apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize