just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
