My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
