Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
