I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
