i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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