I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
