I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
