im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
