it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
