last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
