we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
