Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
