Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
