He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
