Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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