so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
