Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
