grandma shit on top of the toilet
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
