he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its liver damage thursday
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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