Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
