it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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