True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
