Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
