Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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