I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
