Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
