I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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