If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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