I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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