My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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