Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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