I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
