put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
