he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
