she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
