Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
