Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Who did Billy Mays play for?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
