i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
