Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
