I wish I could teleport
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
