I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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