I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
