I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize