I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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