normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
