Sorry, I don't speak sober.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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