this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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