When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
