you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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