There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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