i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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