He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize