I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
