OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
