he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
